The Samurai Drabble Series
by Super Samurai
Summary: 100 drabbles based on Samurai Warriors! Read and be amazed at the zany antics of the worlds most lovable Samurai Warriors! Discover what happens when the brave feudal fighters encounter chess, laundry and bad practice sessions! Read and Review!
1. Number 1: Dirty Laundry

The Samurai Drabble Series

**Warning: **May contain adult humour, language or mild sexual description. That said I'm trying to keep it as smut free as possible.

**Notes: **First, there will eventually be 100 drabbles in this. Second, please leave ideas you might like to see. Third, Review. Fourth, each character will have at least one drabble focused solely on them but there will be multi- character drabbles. Lastly, this is something I started as a challenge to myself and if I can achieve 100 drabbles then I will be happy. Now Enjoy!

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**Number 1: Dirty Laundry**** starring Nene**

It's laundry day the Oda encampment and as usual all the servants are running behind with the mountain of soiled clothes that always grew in between battles. Nene, the lovely young wife of Hideyoshi Toyotomi, decided to help out by gathering up the clothes from anyone who didn't drop theirs off. She went over her tent, Hidyoshi's, Mitsunari's and Mitsuhide's. Carrying all the dirty clothing in a sack on her back, she thought about where to go next.

'Hmm, I wonder where Mitsuhide is this morning?' she thought to herself.

Smiling, as usual, she tapped on the flap to Nobunaga's tent.

'Dirty laundry please' she chirped, before deciding that Nobunaga was out as well.

She ducked into the commander's tent. Three seconds later she came out bright red.

"So that's where Mitsuhide went" she said grinning bemusedly "Dirty laundry indeed"

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Up Next: Sakon Shima in Playing Chess is for Wimps!

So what did y'all think? Good, bad or just plain crazy? Hit the button and let me know! You know you want to!


	2. Number 2: Playing Chess is for Wimps

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

Well here's the next intstallment, I dont own Samurai Warriors or its characters (forgot that last time, oops). Enjoy!!

**Number 2: Playing Chess is for Wimps, starring Sakon Shima**

Sakon Shima, the renowned strategist is reading. The scroll being deciphered is a text on battlefield tactics which, to normal people, would be very boring. A loud argument nearby disrupts Sakon's solitude. Sakon sighs in annoyance and gets up. Tracking the noise to a group of soldiers all crowding around a pair who are seated at a table, he begins to loiter. These two are facing each other over a chequered board covered in strangely carved pieces.

"What's going on here?" asks Sakon.

"Chess, sir" says the nearest soldier.

"Hmm, how do you play?" inquires the general.

The soldier explains the rules and Sakon declares he wants to give this game a try. The board is reset. Sakon sits opposite the soldier who explained the rules, and declares he wants to take the black pieces.

'That's right never make the first move' thinks Sakon.

His opponent makes his first move, moving a pawn forward one square. Ten minutes later Sakon is staring at the chessboard in utter disbelief.

"I … lost" Sakon says "Never-mind, you're up next" he continues pointing at a different soldier.

The afternoon progress in much the same way and by evening time Sakon is almost screaming in frustration. He has played for hours and lost every single game. Sakon flips the board over and stalks off.

"Chess is for wimps!" he shouts over his shoulder.

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Next time: Okuni in Taking Donations.


	3. Number 3: Taking Donations

The Samurai Drabble Series

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Samurai Warriors (more's the pity coz i think i could really help move the series along) but they belong to Koei.

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**Number 3: Taking Donations starring Okuni**

Okuni stretched, her naked breasts rising. The small crowd around her gaped, mouths wide open with a steady stream of drool falling to floor. Okuni continued her sensuous dance, sliding her kimono off her body the silken material swishing as it dropped to the ground. Just before she was totally revealed she opened her umbrella to block the view.

'Men are so easy' she thinks scornfully.

Okuni began to tease her audience. She moved her body and umbrella in ways so that she could have been exposed to the stunned gazes of the men around her, but never really getting that far. Two of her audience got nosebleeds. Just as the drooling men hit what could be described as complete enthrallment, Okuni whipped her kimono back on before anyone could catch a glimpse of anything. She held out a bag to the men.

"Donations, please" she said cheerfully.

As a man the crowd started showering the pretty shrine maiden with gold. Okuni filled her bag as much as she could before turning and sashaying out of the village, the men mesmerised by the swaying of her hips until she disappeared over the crest of a nearby hill. The men came to their senses as soon as she had gone out of sight. The men glanced at each other, until one cleared his throat.

"Right, lads, we were mugged ok?"

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Next time: Yukimura Sanada in Thats Why It's Call Practicing

So here's the third drabble, thank you to my reviewers so far ill try not to disppoint. Speaking of which, the next two stories will be up within about the next two days.


	4. Number 4: Practicing

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

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**Number 4: That's Why Its Called Practicing**** starring Yukimura Sanada**

Yukimura Sanada was standing opposite Keiji Maeda, spear at the ready. Keiji lunges, a strong swipe, clattering against Yukimura's weapon. They continue to duel fiercely, working up sweats and bruises.

Yukimura spots an opening in Keiji's defence. He thrust his cross-bladed spear straight for the weak spot. Keiji catches the blow by using the handle of his two prong spear to hook one of the cross-blades. Then, grinning at Yukimura he thrusts his opponents weapon backwards hard.

Yukimura's knees buckle and tears immediately flow from his eyes. He's felt pain before but this overwhelms him. He gasps and chokes trying to get air into his lungs. Keiji's grin falters as Yukimurs starts to go blue. Yukimura's hands fall from the handle of his weapon. And Keiji winces as he realises where the large weight on the end of his friends spear landed.

As he back up, Yukimura's spear hits the floor with a clang, shortly followed by Yukimura himself with a crash.

"Sorry buddy" he says to the downed man, who is desperately cluthching his _other _weapon.

Keiji crouches down.

"That's why its called practicin'"

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Next Time: Relaxation starring Tadakatsu Honda


	5. Number 5: Relaxation

**The Samurai Drabbles**

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**Number 5: Relaxation starring Tadakatsu Honda**

Tadakatsu Honda was relaxing in his tent. Clad in a simple robe, armour reverentially placed aside. He sat at the bottom of his bedroll He reached down and carefully wrapped his hand around his substantial weapon and he placed a nearby cloth on his bedroll next to him. He started rubbing the shaft slowly and gently. Tadakatsu sighed, stresses melting away in the simple pleasure as he sped up the pace of his motion. Satisfied he moved his hand up to the rounded head of his weapon, rubbing firmly. The pressure makes him sigh again as he nears completion. Sweat forms on his wide forehead and begins to slide down is stern face as he rubs harder, anxious to finish so he can go to sleep. He grunts in satisfaction as he finishes, then wipes his weapon down, cleaning himself up. Examining the newly polished, gleaming surfaces of his Tonbo-Giri, Tadakatsu smiles. He was now ready for bed.

Polishing his spear always relaxed him.

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Next Time: Performance Anxiety starring Mitsunari Ishida.

Well, number 5 at last. I finally found my bloody notes and now i'm back up to scratch, and i'll be continuing shortly. Also new story called Inner Thoughts, also drabbles but focused on the characters own thoughts about their part in the Feudal era. Lastly if you like my funny stuff, or my angsty stuf (Inner Thoughts) you might like my recently updated Dynasty Warriors fic Threads of Destiny.

Okay enough shameless self promotion, but i need a few more reviews so maybe that'll inspire people to give me an opinion. Will work for flames, toasty warm flames. R&R!


	6. Number 6: Performance Anxiety

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

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**Number 6: Performance Anxiety starring Mitsunari Ishida**

Mitsunari was alone in his tent, aside from his worried reflection in a full length mirror. He gazes at his queasy looking reflection, critically adjusting his robes to make himself look more 'commander-like'. He runs a comb through his hair, breathing fast at the thought of all those troops waiting for him to give orders.

He suddenly cocks his head at a half heard sound. Then he dismisses it as his nerves.

The crouched figure outside his tent puts an eye back to the small hole in the canvas, trying to smother a chuckle.

"My men" Mitsunari squeaks "Ahem, My men" he begins again, ignoring the half heard snort.

Only when Mitsunari screws up his lines royally, changing 'Take their Camp and cut off their supply lines' into 'Cake their tamp and cut off their lupply sines' does the crouched figure laugh too loudly.

"Who's there?" yells the suddenly irate strategist, unnerved that someone knows of his stage fright. He spots the eye and rips the hole open to see a blue clad blur disappearing into the bushes.

"HAAAAAANNZZOOOOOO!!" he roars.

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Next Time: Bad Timing starring Magoichi Saika


	7. Number 7: Bad Timing

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

**Number 7: Bad Timing starring Magoichi Saika**

Magoichi Saika was currently telling a gaggle of very pretty girls some wildly exaggerated stories of his bravery in the final battle he fought in to unite Japan. He was just getting to the part where he had taken a musket shot through the heart (cough Bulls cough) when the doors to the exclusive rooms of the pleasure house were thrust open, and a yellow blur leapt on Magoichi.

"I'm so happy your alive Magoichi" exclaimed the blur

"Whoa, take it easy Hideyoshi" remarked the man, aware that his progress with the geisha girls was rapidly diminishing.

It got worse. Nene came storming in.

"How could you just leave Hideyoshi like that?" she yelled "You better come back right now!"

The girls began to disperse, looking disappointed.

"Hey, come on now ladies" started the ever suave, yet somehow desperate gunman said.

"I'm sorry but we don't associate with married men"

"What? She's his wife" shot Magoichi, pointed at the undignified lump attaché to his shoulders, hoping he could salvage the horrendously bad timing of Nene and her now sobbing husband.

"Hug back Magoichi, I've missed you" sniffled the ruler of Japan.

The girls filed out one by one, as Magoichi hung his head.

The last girl out glanced back for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face.

"You know yaoi isn't too bad…" she said, winking.

"Well, I'm an open-minded guy" said Magoichi extracting himself from the overwhelmed Hideyoshi. He walked off with the beautiful geisha, thanking the gods for the opportunity granted in spite of his friends really, truly bad timing.

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Next Time: Is That So...? starring Nobunaga Oda.

Please note that all suggestions will be noted and considered carefully, and you could have your idea featuring in this series! R&R to leave ideas and opinions please!


	8. Number 8: Is That So?

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

**Number 8: Is That So? starring Nobunaga Oda**

Nobunaga was staring out across the fields of Owari, his home province in a daze. He barely registered the messenger approaching his solitary position underneath some cherry-blossom trees.

The messenger bowed as he got close enough to deliver his message.

"Lord, the generals request your presence at the council" announced the messenger.

"Is that so…?" asked Nobunaga calmly.

"Yes sir" answered the messenger slowly.

"Shut up fool!" snapped Nobunaga irritably "That was rhetorical!"

_Later that day…_

Nobunaga was sitting waiting for the evening feast to be laid out, again staring into his own little world. As the feast was served, chatter broke out on all sides.

Ieyasu picked up a bowl of rice and offered it to his lord.

"Rice my lord?"

"Is that so…?" answered Nobunaga, not paying attention.

Ieyasu blinked bemusedly, and shrugged off his lord's odd response.

"Hey, boss man!" Keiji shouted "What you doing tomorrow?"

"Is that so…?" Nobunaga replied.

Keiji too just shrugged off his lord's response, thinking Nobunaga really was as crazy as people said he was.

_Later that evening…_

Nobunaga was preparing himself for bed and had just climbed under the rich sheets when his wife, Mitsuhide and Ranmaru entered his room, all clad in the barest minimum of clothing.

No spoke first "We are here to please you, my lord"

Mitsuhide continued "Use us as you see fit"

Ranmaru opened his mouth to speak, but promptly forgot his line.

"Is that so…?" said Nobunaga, smirking evilly, lust burning in his eyes.

"Is that so, indeed" He said gesturing his wife and retainers to join him in bed.

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Next Time: Why Keiji Loves Horses starring Keiji Maeda (Obviously).

Nobunaga that perv! Nah we all love him anyway, even with his evil and yaoi tendencies. (Note: Yaoi isn't evil, Nobunaga is, and he can be a bit yaoi too so.. don't say i'm against slash or anything :)) R&R like usual!


	9. Number 9: Why Keiji Loves Horses

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

**Number 9: Why Keiji Loves Horses starring Keiji Maeda (Obviously)**

Keiji Maeda was hopping fitfully from one foot to another waiting for the mailman to come. He peered anxiously out the window for the hundredth time in 30 seconds, to check the mail was there.

"Hurry up, Hurry up, Hurry uuuup!" Keiji whined "Damn mail-delivery-guy"

Then the sound of paper being inserted into the mail holders outside, Keiji jumped up, an enormous grin on his face and raced outside. His hair trailed behind him as he sprinted the short distance to the mailbox and dive tackled it. The mailbox didn't stand a chance and was duly flattened. Again.

This kind of thing happened monthly at Mitsunari's castle and as Keiji grabbed a smallish package from the rubble that used to be a perfectly innocent mailbox, Mitsunari decided to find out just why Keiji got so worked up. He trailed Keiji carefully and by the time Keiji reached his room, Mitsunari had deduced that Keiji was a subscriber to a magazine which featured pink prominently on the cover.

A short while later, Okuni entered Keiji's room and then conversation drifted out into the hall. Mitsunari cupped a hand and put it to the door.

".,,So anyway, what's in this issue wild man?" said the sweet voice that belonged only to Okuni.

"Matsukaze is in it!" Keiji said, voice swelled with happiness.

"Oh, like wow" breathed Okuni.

Mitsunari pinched the bridge of his nose. That woman seriously annoyed him. He turned his focus to the conversation on the other side of the door.

"But I must say I was surprised you subscribe to Pony Club Monthly" said Okuni

Mitsunari had to smother a giggling fit.

"Well, to be honest, since I like Matsukaze so much Kanetsugu recommended it" whispered Keiji, aware his promise not to tell anyone that fact was shattering into tiny pieces. "And since then I can't get enough"

"But why do you like horses so much, Lord Keiji?" asked Okuni

"Cause there soooo cute and adorable" squealed Keiji, exactly like a little girl, girlish hand motions to match.


	10. Number 10: Mitsuhide's Shampoo Crisis

**The Samurai Drabble Series**

**Number 10: Mitsuhide's Shampoo Crisis starring Mitsuhide Akechi**

Mitsuhide had a day off. Unusual since he was Nobunaga's favourite retainer/lover/slave (depending on your preference), and Nobunaga was a very demanding general/lover/master (also depending on your preference). He decided he would like to pamper himself, so he chose to have a relaxing bath.

He drew the water and heated it, carefully filling the bath. He lit some incense, and extinguished the flame allowing the sweet scented smoke to float around the room. He lined up each of his required body washes, and his towels (one for his body, three for his hair) and lastly his prized anti-frizz shampoo. He undressed slowly, folding up each garment and placing on a nearby chair. Meticulous as always.

Mitsuhide climbed into the bath and relaxed, his tension melting away. After a couple of minutes he began his exacting process of washing that kept him well scrubbed for days. Starting with his body wash he sponged himself all over (Oi! Minds out of the gutter, Mitsuhide fan girls!) He rinsed his body clean and reached over to his special shampoo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The super sonic cry of distress covered the whole castle, interrupting Nene and Hideyoshi's 'special time', Katsuie's practice spar against Toshiie, and generally deafening anyone in a five mile radius.

Ieyasu looked over at Tadakatsu.

"Mitsuhide's out of shampoo again" he grumbled, rubbing his sore ear.

"I guess so, my lord" grunted the invincible warrior, rubbing his ear as well.

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Well I'm officially one-tenth of the way to the 100 drabble mark. I hope people are or most likely were enjoying the series as much as i am. Unfortunately i had these latest drabbles on hand, but my comp decided it was due a crashing, burning fit and it took ages to get it fixed. Well read and review, and as always feel free to make a suggestion! :)


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